My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
