Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
