you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
