I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
