your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
