I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
