tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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