just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
