Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
