I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
