Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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