Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
