Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
vagina is talking i cant
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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