a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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