Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
