Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
