I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
