the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
