Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
