tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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