I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
