Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
