So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm too high and old for this...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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