come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
