i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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