I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize