Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
even my farts smell like vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
