U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
