I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
