Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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