i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
