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Cold hands, warm shart.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
