Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
