Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The adults are the big ones right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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