I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
