fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I need water and some morals
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
