So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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