Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize