he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
