For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
