Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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