we made out on top of his cat.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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