You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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