I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So vagazzling was a success
I came so hard my ears popped.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
