Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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