She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
