Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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