is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize