I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
