your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
