I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
worst night to have a conscience
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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