You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
