I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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