No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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