well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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