My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
