I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
