Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize