i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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