then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
