Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize