look no pants
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
