News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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