I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
