did you get engaged???
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And then my night got REAL pukey
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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