last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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