What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
