Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
