My nipple is on Facebook.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize