and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
