Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
