think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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