is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
