Me too!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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