I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
