He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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