The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
