Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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