You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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