onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
