Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
