Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
