Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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