I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
