Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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