i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
