my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
