we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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